Ham Shacks and Hacker Whacks
Rochester sits in his Top Secret Lab deep in the heart of The Keystone State, at the ham radio station surrounded by huge stacks of radio electronics. He is using the radio scanner to check the 4000 kilohertz range for any signs of intelligent life, unfortunately only finding fundamentalist religion stations. All his ham buddies are at the InterGalactic HamFest which Rochester forgot to put in his dayplanner, so he didn’t get to go. He feels kind of bummed.
Ivan rushes in. “Bozz, Bozz, der whack be in der computer!”
“What’s that? The computer is quacking like a duck?”
“No!” Ivan shakes his head emphatically. And with emphasis and a deep sigh. “Der cendral computer system has a hoker!”
“A hitchhiker? Damnit, I told the Author about that. He needs to be more careful about being derivative and using other people’s ideas.”
“NO! BOZZ! HACKER!”
“OH! There’s a Hacker in the computer! Computer hacking! Now that’s a paradigm of a different color.”
“NO! BOZZ! Nothing about dimes or nickels! Hoker stuck in honeypot!”
“Right then! What kind of attack is it? Fraggle? Smurf? DoS? Bumstead?”
“Hiccup,” replies Ivan.
“What kind of attack is that?”
“Gas!”
“Oh!”
Rochester leaps to his feet. What they were doing so far away that he has to leap over to them nobody can say. “Quick, Ivan. Implement Emergency Protocol Alpha Epsilon Octagon!”
“Da, Bozz, now du get it.”
Ivan and Rochester run through the halls of the Keystone State, heading towards the central computer center. Fortunately Rochester’s Top Secret Lab is right next door so instead of really dramatic running through the halls stuff, they immediately come up to the main portal of the Central Computer, sealed off from the rest of the ship by top secret computer security devices. Not to mention eventually coming to the end of that poorly written complex sentence. Rochester puts his eye to the retinal scanner.
“Retinal scanner identification passed. Please place your hand on the palm scanner.”
Rochester follows the smoothly spoken commands and puts his left palm on the palm scanner.
“Palm scanner identification passed. Please identify yourself with the appropriate passphrase.”
“I am Rochester, passphrase ‘Oh, Baby, Baby, Baby!”
“Voice print identification passed, passphrase accepted. Please place stool sample in the appropriate receptacle.” A small conical device protrudes mechanically from the wall.
“What! We don’t have time for this! There’s a hoker in the computer!” Rochester shouts.
“Outraged attitude identification accepted in lieu of stool sample. Enter and be welcome!”
“It’s about time,” Rochester grumbles under his breath. “Damn this multifactor authentication.”
The portal irises open. Rochester dashes through. Ivan heads after him but a big robotic hand reaches down and grabs him. “Piggybacking forbidden. One person at a time please!” says the computer coolly.
“Get through as fast as you can!” Rochester says to Ivan now dangling helplessly from the mechanical hand. Ivan nods his understanding.
Rochester runs into the center of the Computer Center, surrounded by blue and black masses of cool computer electronics with red, green, and blue little lights blinking in sometimes random, sometimes synchronized and always bewildering though in a deeply esoteric and meaningful way.
Rochester orders the computer to turn on the holographic display and show the steps of the Emergency Protocol Alpha Epsilon Octagon.
Rochester skims through the preliminary warnings about reading carefully and not skipping ahead without reading everything so he skips ahead to the step by step procedure.
“Step One: Panic! Okay! Already did that. Check.”
“Step Two: Secure the Julia Roberts Shrine.”
Rochester rushes over to the Julia Roberts Shrine and quickly checks to make sure nothing has been disturbed or disrupted by any foul fiends. He reaches over to the deep royal purple silks covering the main deck and carefully, ever so reverently, picks off a piece of lint. “Julia Roberts Shrine Secure! Check!”
“Step Three: Make Coffee and order donuts”
Rochester ambles over to the coffee stand, checks out the new beans from Central Zimbabwe, sets up a pot to brew. He picks out a couple of chocolate cake donuts from the holographic display.
“Step Three: Check!
“Step Four: Implement BS Policy.”
Rochester walks over to the main control panel. On the right hand side off by itself is a BIG RED BUTTON. The label says “DANGER! WARNING! CAUTION!”
Rochester presses the BIG RED BUTTON.
A small panel swicks open. Inside is a long oaken stick about 4 inches in diameter and 1.5 meters long. Rochester takes the Big Stick out of its climate controlled container and lovingly caresses it. It is easy to see why he is such a ladies’ man.
Right about then he hears some snickering from behind one of the computer racks. Rochester sneaks over on tippy toes and reaches around the rack and grabs the hacker by the collar. He throws the dude to the ground and begins politely beating the crap out of him with the Big Stick.
Ivan and Rover come sliding to a stop next to them.
Rochester whacks the hacker one more time and looks at his posse. “Rover! How’d you get through the computer security so fast?”
“Der computer like him.” Ivan says jealously.
Rochester looks quizzically at Rover. Rover just shrugs. He is a modest mammoth.
“Rover! Grab this rotten hacker and watch out for the honey from the pot. Take him down to the Pit for Worn Out Literary Devices”
Rover whips off a smart and snappy salute and grabs the now trembling hacker.
“What’s gonna happen to me?” he whimpers.
“The Pit is going to turn you into a spineless, brainless, non-intelligent quivering mass of uniformed irrelevant protoplasm!” Rochester answers.
“NO! NO!” screams the hacker. “Anything but that! I don’t want to become a Democrat!”
“Rover! You have your orders!”
Rover marches off in stiff military precision and not so accidentally whacks the hacker’s head on the door as he exits.
“Wow! Bozz! Dat were closed!”
“Yes. But now comes the hard part.”
“Da! Now come der papervork.”
Rochester nods glumly as he walks over to the paperwork desk, and quickly touches a couple of control buttons. A six foot tall stack of paper materializes on the desk. Rochester picks up the stack, leaving the last page on the desk. He sets down the stack, signs the last page with a flourish, then signs it with a pen, and sets the stack back on the last page again. Presses another little button. The stack disappears in a whirling mass of color.
“Well, that’s that! Let’s see if the coffee is ready.”
Tune in again next time for more nifty cool adventures.
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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
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The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.
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This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
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I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
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Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
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Hi there. There seems an issue with the primary link you gave : it returns a 404
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When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks
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